We tell you to eat healthy at home, and now we're about to tell you to do the same when you're out spending the fruits of your labour - like watching the finger-nail-filing escapades of your favourite basketball team.
With the Raptors losing last night, this probably all sounds like misery. But the following cheat sheet is full of simple little adjustments that you can make and still have fun.
If this still sounds tragic to you, don't worry, it's written by a cantankerous old sod.
A Miserable Bugger's Healthy Guide to Eating Out
1) Vodka soda is the Chainsmokers of the healthy alcoholic drink. Boring. Predictable. Flavourless.
Make your liquor a tequila or whiskey. For a minimal amount of extra calories you’ll get 1,000 times the taste, while remaining healthier than beer, cider, or white wine.
2) Take a look at the menu online and select your food choice before you go. That way you will not be influenced by other people’s choices in the moment. You may, indeed, prompt everyone else to contemplate their adolescent behaviour when they realize a proper adult is now present.
3) Just like your Ashley Madison dates, ask for all sauces to quietly remain on the side.
4) Dance near the flames of hell and eternal chastity, by suggesting to your partner that you pick a starter and a main to share. At restaurants we tend to overeat, and at Toronto prices, that $25 main ain’t going to waste. Devouring shared dishes will leave you satisfied and you’ll consume fewer calories.
5) Make all your side choices be salad or fruit. Unless you go to Weslodge, where you must violently swim in their mac ‘n’ cheese.
6) Impress absolutely no-one, by drinking one glass of water for every alcoholic drink.
7) Words matter. Look for “steamed,” “grilled,” and “boiled.” Avoid “loaded,” “creamy,” “rich,” “uncomfortable,” “crabs.”
K & V