“Why are expectations so high? Is it the bar I set?
My arms, I stretch, but I can’t reach
A far cry from it, or it's in my grasp, but as
Soon as I grab, squeeze
I lose my grip like the flyin' trapeze
Into the dark I plummet, now the sky’s blackening
I know the mark's high, butter–
flies rip apart my stomach
Knowin' that no matter what bars I come with
You're gonna harp, gripe, and
That's a hard Vicodin to swallow, so I scrap these
As pressure increases like khakis
I feel the ice cracking, because—" – Walk on Water, Eminem feat. Beyonce
When you hear those lyrics, it doesn’t sound like a confident person that’s sold over 100 million albums worldwide, won an Academy Award, 8 AMA’s, 15 Grammys and has a net worth of around $190 million.
And if you know his history and listen to the lyrics of most of his songs, he bleeds low confidence; its something he constantly battles.
In a recent interview, Eminem said “Where do you go if people always expect something different from you. I want him to talk about this, I want him to talk about that. I want him to just spit. I don’t like when he just spits. He does too much rappedy, rappedy shit. I don’t like when he self-loathes… [So] there’s less places to go that you haven’t already been. That’s how I feel like all the time (laughs).”
So why is Eminem so successful despite his low confidence?
Why do rappers not give a damn about haters yet mention them in every song?
And what the hell does all this have to do with working out!?
First of all, having lower confidence is actually a positive trait. It means that you have the ability to step back from your work and question things that people with higher confidence may dismiss or look past.
He continues, “It’s about mortality… It’s about not being Superman, and what if I can’t come up with the best shit I ever wrote every single time, you know.”
You can bet a stamp on a horse’s ass that this causes him to refine his lyrics and beats until they’re better than anyone else.
Before Eminem, commercial rap was all about high status - “popping bottles,” wearing “rollies,” and getting “b*tches.” Eminem, although he’s had his share of them too, came along and rapped about the struggles in his head and the effects of his upbringing and turbulent relationships.
Those were the holes he saw, and people were attracted.
But low confidence won’t work on its own. If all he did is question, question, question and not ship his music, then he’d just get stuck in a rut and go nowhere… like all the other potential rappers that get stuck in their head.
Say he pairs it with action, ambition, or meaning? He thinks he might not be right, he might not win, it might not work, but he’s going to do the damn thing anyway. It’s too important not to.
A quote from the book Stumbling on Happiness sums up the pairing of low confidence with another…
“A healthy psychological immune system strikes a balance that allows us to feel good enough to cope with our situation but bad enough to do something about it.”
Shining a light on low confidence using another skill or value means you’ll be more liked.
Nobody appreciates a person who’s too sure of themselves, and vulnerability, like Eminem’s lyrics, is an attraction.
Sure, you can swagger around town like Kanye, interrupting an awards show, but it probably means you’re an asshole.
So, if you do have low confidence, which skill, value, or meaning will you add to it to improve your situation?
Maybe you're not sure you can do it, maybe you won’t know if it’ll work, but it’s too damn important not to try.
Kevin & Victoria
P.S. This is just one of many situations where if something isn’t working for you then a good idea is to work out what is being fed commercially, and then do the complete opposite.
In fitness you’re told that you can lose 20lbs in two weeks, exercise should be cheap, you should do it alone, and there’s no need to commit – cancel your membership at any time!
But what if you thought the opposite – make peace that it will take longer to see a big change, spend a little more, do it with a coach and other awesome people, and actually commit to something to get better at it just like any other skill.
How’d you think that will work for you?
P.P.S If you want to listen to the podcast mentioned – a brilliant breakdown of how Walk on Water came together – you can check it out here – Broken Record Podcast - it’s only 15 minutes long.
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